This weekend, I put myself in the hands of virtual strangers to guide and represent deep-seated issues arising from my ancestral past.
This workshop was another step; a call to unleash raw, entangled pain, within my ancestral constellation that I know I’ve been holding and keeping with me since I was a child.
And it manifested in real-life experiences and dis-ease.
This might come across as vague, ‘woo woo’ or wishy-washy, or whatever… but I explored part of my ‘story’ I hadn’t fully acknowledged yet, and turns out it wasn’t even mine in the first place.
Originally, I wasn’t convinced, nor was it something that felt easy. It was a little difficult to line up times to get more information but I can see now that I wasn’t meant to be able to do my usual ‘analytical’ thing, where I end up backing out of shit by finding something ‘wrong’ with the opportunity or a flaw and doubt overcomes me.
But hearing Isy’s voice, and my own energy saying lean in I found an alignment in the next step.
You see, I’ve been talking about these steps since I first let loose about my latest facet of this journey.
Yep, I’m talking the CIN stuff again.
Last week, I spoke to women of all ages, from all walks of life, backgrounds and even continents about the influence HPV has had on them, their loved ones and their lives. And during this week, Steve reminded me that manifesting works in both ways. my focus was not from a place of love – I don’t mean for the others I mean a place of love for myself. More on that later.
In noticing this, I also came to understand there were elements of my connection to this dis-ease that was beyond my understanding.
So I dove in deep.
This type of work is often misunderstood, feared and dismissed so bear with me here…it was an upcoming full moon, the pink Scorpio moon to be exact, I had just spent 24 hours in an amazingly creative space with the beautiful @mimbirose in Byron which took me away from my computer, homely distractions and I was distanced from my usual excuses and bullshit oh – and one last thing, I was menstruating. Sorry if you can’t see the perfect harmony in this but… hey…
Out of respect for the others involved in the workshop details will be kept to a minimum but being able to represent others’ constellations and lineages I had an awakening beyond what I imagined.
Then it was my turn……
The story has to be removed here, but the revelation doesn’t. I wasn’t an active part of my own constellation and I was also unaware of any labels or ‘roles’ or lineage being represented. The pain was palpable, my soul heard things, recognised feelings, and at times I was hard-pressed not to attach meanings to the things that arose, the shapes and movements I saw before me and just be open and allow the progression of the facilitation.
Reading that back brings my self-conscious gremlin into play, but I can positively say I felt the shift, best described as an over-inflated balloon finally releasing it’s air and giving space for something new. I was unburdened from what I carried for most of my life that wasn’t mine to bear.
Now that you’re feeling completely confused and possibly annoyed that I couldn’t describe that any better.
On a serious note, if you have found there are things within you, patterns or feelings, that burden you beyond your personal experiences within this life, like I have, this might be the right thing for you.
If you are willing to throw yourself into an alternative realm of healing so that you could focus solely on what is only yours to experience if you want the authentic truth, of your higher self to be seen, heard and presented, this might be the medium for you.
Contact me if you are willing and I can connect you with the right facilitator.
I’m ready to open the doors of the next part… are you?