I’ve always been drawn to eyes. They are my weakness, but also my strength. I will often be noticed complimenting someone’s eyes and get a reaction like someone whipped them.
It’s personal, it’s intense, it’s deeper than a ‘normal’ compliment. It puts them into a self-awareness, awkwardness and a space of vulnerability.
My favourite space 😉
As a kid, I was jealous of my sister – she used to joke that hers were like the sea and mine were like poo. I wonder what that fostered hey?
For years I didn’t love my eyes; regardless of people telling me they were deep, beautiful, stunning, captivating, enchanting, sensual, addictive, mesmerising, permeating layers and ‘really seeing’ through shit (pun intended). And leading up to my 2015 ‘life-crash’ I’ll l call it – I had so little connection to self, I wouldn’t look at anything but my neck down in the mirror- just a canvas or goal for others, for clothing, as an artwork of textiles to cover my tiny frame to create an image & adhere to societal norms & expectations of ‘having my shit together’ when everything inside me was the opposite!
Now that I’m getting deeper into my emotional healing journey with the HPV and the cervical dysplasia I noticed I needed to delve into my connection to self.
So daily, I try to connect with my eyes – it can be just a minute or a quick 30sec ‘hello’ to my eyes whenever I am near a mirror, usually the morning and the evening – and I ALWAYS give myself a little compliment before I walk out the door – a self-high five for putting clothes on and actually stepping out (more on my introverted-ness another time hey?).
This gives me moments of pause, encourages curiosity, acceptance and connection to how much more there is within me, and what trauma lies behind those eyes is safe to begin to work with.
It might be a small step to some – but getting back into mirror work has been challenging for me. The shame of being back in this position with pre-cancerous cells from a NEW strain of an STI there is no real cure or proper answers for and the façade of only wanting to tell people if I am ok, or well, or wait untilI’mm healed to explore this, is slowly breaking down.
I want to know – Do you ever look at your self in the mirror? Actually SEE who the fuck you are? Spend time, staring at your own eyes, the movement of your irises as you shift emotional thoughts in your mind?
And if so – what are you tips? What can I include in my healing and who should I watch/read or listen to to further my work with connection to self.
Comment below if you have any – but if you want to try it, here is my part 1:
Stand or sit in front of your chosen mirror.
Look into your eyes – seriously look at them notice their colours, the lines, the specks, the contours, the way the iris meets the pupil take mental note of it all – I know you’ll want to at some point move your focus to a wider area… maybe your eyelashes, the place underneath your eyes, the whites or even your eyebrows… STOP – DON’T FUCKING JUDGE…. just observe your eyes!
Bring to mind an emotion – anything – I’m not trying to teach you to cry on camera here! and watch as your eyes change shape, [or not]. See if they change colour at different times of the day or with the presence of different foods or stimulants.
Use the mental language of ‘wow, that’s so interesting’ or ‘it’s interesting that this happens’ open your mind to questions and studying the wonder of your eyes…. remember to release judgement and try not to get wrapped into your story yet…. start there for 5 days and let me know what happens…
There may or may not be a free mirror-workbook floating around my blog in the near future...