If I could pinpoint a connection, meeting, or person that truly changed my life outside of my immediate family, it would be the day I met Pettina- A woman, in so many respects, I felt I knew before she uttered a single word.
Yesterday, I met her at the new digs of the program she artfully oversees, Noosa Confidential. To talk about the last few years, get her Wellbeing definition, and what the future holds with the business. We may have gone a little off-topic, but being as busy as she is, and an idol of mine, I savoured every moment (and may have drank my tea a little slowly)...I thought it only fitting that she be my very first posted interview for The Definition Collection. You can read about what ‘Wellbeing’ means to her here.
But as for my journey and her inspiration for my life – literally, for continuing to live it … all begins 2 years ago, almost to the day.
…At the time of meeting Pettina, I was being swallowed by the lowest, darkest, and definitely most crippling point of my life physically, mentally and emotionally. The idea to attend a holistic, live-in program (to not only pull me from this depth, but teach me to treat my whole being with love, respect, acceptance, and care) was teetering on an extremely high and thin tightrope, to say the least. One wrong vibration from those around me, and I was OUT!
My parents were throwing themselves at the final attempt to keep me alive because my decision otherwise was already ludicly evident. I had been told by ‘doctors’, I was depressed, or bipolar, when I knew deep down it was NOT an adequate diagnosis. Talking my way around psychologists, and hypnotherapists and other ‘traditional’ GP’s/practitioners had taken me to the edge. Not to mention the ignorance, and lack of knowledge of all the other physical issues that turned out to be present. We took to Noosa, to meet P, because I wouldn’t attend, under any other circumstances.
My least favourite words (happy, better, normal, good, etc) were being used tentatively by my distraught parents at their wit’s end, trying to describe their current hell, and everyone in the room knew this ‘interview’ was literally life-or-death (I was on the verge of removing myself from society/this lifetime only a few weeks before). I sat with my eyes averted (yes me, the girl with the huge, infectious smile and sparkling eyes) with my deep, dark, heavy, resistive energy at full throttle. My walls were backed by all the soldiers and muscle I could muster – no wonder my adrenals were so busted- I was on high alert, searching for anyone slipping up, because such a huge part of me was screaming THIS IS BULLSHIT! YOU KNOW THEY CAN’T HELP! CHECK OUT NOW!
But I felt something else, almost like a mirror to my personality, energy and mindset. I felt a little niggling at the base of one of my ‘walls’ that began to create a crack just wide enough for this person’s energy to slip through, and become the first human to understand me.
I really mean that statement. I had never been so determined to NOT connect with someone, and yet she was stronger than my resistance!
I had met my match. And in a few words, the crack had begun to grow.
Those words went along these lines: ‘we will work to be ok, not ‘good’, not ‘happy’, not ‘better’ because I think, for you, striving for that is bullsh*t… so we’ll go for ‘OK’.
No other two-letter word could resonate so deeply.
THANK F*CK! my brain screamed… someone on my level!
Little did I know this was the beginning of the rest of my life, and that ‘ok’ would eventually turn into something I experienced naturally, and which at times, becomes a sneaky ‘good’, or ‘really good’ (I’ve even caught myself out recently saying ‘great!’ Ha!)
Never saw it coming…
You see, I was the biggest happiness-skeptic. Being so mentally physically and emotionally full of dis-ease, makes you mistrust and shoot down any idea other than your inevitable demise. But… I left that room, considering following what turned out to be a journey I will forever be grateful for. And one I am willing to continue on everyday.
If it wasn’t for my time at NC, I wouldn’t have gained the skills I so often lean, and build on.
Quite frankly, I wouldn’t be alive, or have begun TILCo at all.
So Pettina, as I sit here overlooking the ocean, with a small smile and possibly watery eyes, I say a resounding Thank You. Your presence, your sharp mind, sometimes tough love, and steady faith in me helped create my new army. An Army I am still building two years down the track, and almost every one of them; likes where they stand.
Want to read my interview with Pettina? You're welcome to here. Want to be interviewed about what Wellbeing means to YOU? Fill out the contact me form, and let me know. I look forward to hearing from you.